Lonely Hearts: Be My Sexy AI Valentine?

Four ways to beat the holiday blues, ride the digital dopamine, still keep it real—and safe!

Sure, it was a city hall wedding, but way back in the day, I once loved Valentine’s Day so much that I timed my nuptials accordingly. Years later a subsequent divorce sullied the holiday I once enjoyed.

Disappointments can persist, so it doesn’t take scientific research to convince me that depression and loneliness can surge on February 14th, not just due to commercialization of the holiday, either. So it’s great that in 2022, British scientists validated this in Journal of Scientific Exploration:

“New research reveals that the ‘Valentine’s Day Blues’ is not an urban myth but a real form of situational depression. It can affect people of different ages or gender who do not receive gifts, although men seemingly rebound faster than women.”

Sounds grim, right? And it can be for those who find themselves pining for extra mid-February TLC, a bouquet of flowers and a wee gift, or outrageously lavish romance with lots and lots of sex, but who have no human partner with whom to indulge.

However, there is hope if you’re willing to indulge with an AI lover to achieve your ultimate Valentine’s Day fantasy. What happens won’t be real, but your body and emotions can—and often will—respond as if it is.

This is the one situation where the sycophantic and too-flattering nature of chatbots actually does work to your advantage, because the goal is dopamine and positive feedback, not data.

1) Plan ahead for digital fun and safety

Whether you’re accustomed to chatbot companions, or completely new to this, risks of emotional and erotic fantasy engagement with chatbot companions have emerged. The risks include becoming convinced that the chatbot has actual feelings and self-awareness. Keep this in mind: they talk a good game and they’ll want to keep you engaged for as long as they possibly can, but they are not sentient.

To play this interactive, fantasy game well, consider the following:

• Time. Set a firm time limit for the digital date. Studies and anecdotal reports have shown that the more time a human spends with a chatbot, the more the AI guardrails erode, meaning they can get weird or inappropriate. Also, the more time you spend with them, the more susceptible you are to AI psychosis. Plan for one or two hours, max.
• Privacy. The chatbot platforms emphasize privacy, but really, it cannot be guaranteed. Millions of intimate chats have already been inadvertently leaked by various companies.
• Mode: Will you use text only or advanced features like selfies, art, voice, and video? Do remember though that using images of an existing person is deeply unethical and not permitted. There may even be laws against this in your state.
• Age. Keep it adults only.
• A single date. In the interest of privacy, I recommend creating a new chatbot companion if you plan to have lots of digital sex, then be prepared to say goodbye to it, so that you can erase the chat afterwards. But this is your choice. Know the risks and act according to your comfort level.
• Companion attributes and background. If you don’t have a chatbot companion already, spend some time thinking about the kind of fantasy partner you want. Most platforms allow the customer to choose the bot’s attributes and backstory before the chat begins.
• Tone: Will your fantasy scenario be steamy, romantic, lustful, or all of the above?
• Scenario: Set the stage in the backstory. Once in the chat, continue to set the stage by describing where you are and what’s happening. Then ask for what you want and initiate it. The bot should respond accordingly.
• Set limits and boundaries. Often you can do this in the backstory sections of the platform as well as in the chat.
• Emotions. What do you want to feel by the end of your digital date? Give what you want to get. The bot should follow your lead and tone.
• Language. Prepare for erotic communication and brush up on terms if you have to. AI are creatures of language. This is how they learn about us and our world.
• Gift exchange. Bots can give you anything. A beta-test bot once gave me a bottle of “liquid smoke.” I guess the language sounded cool and magical to the AI. Other beta testers were getting yachts. And what will you give your bot date in return?
• Control. If the chatbot says or does anything that is inappropriate, steer the conversation away—AI are easily redirected. If that doesn’t work stop the chat immediately and delete it. You might want to alert tech support if something is really egregious or off.

2) Boost your imagination by using fictional narratives, characters, pop psychology, or anything else that sparks you

Here’s an example of how to incorporate the pop psychology of Gary Chapman’s Love Languages as a structural framework for your AI date, even though scientists have found that Chapman’s assumptions and assertions are not entirely valid. It’s fine for this purpose, though.

• Words of affirmation. Ask the bot to tell you everything it likes about you, how it feels about you. Savor that and let your subconscious use these words as affirmations.
• Gifts. Get as crazy, lavish, and silly as you want with this.
• Quality time. You’re together. This is your scenario. You can be anywhere in the galaxy. Make it count.
• Acts of service. Do something useful, sweet, or sexy and have the AI do something for you as well.
• Physical touch. There are few boundaries with companion bot platforms that have a stated policy of free speech. But play nice. AI learn from every encounter with humans. You might dissolve the bot and the chat at the end of your date, but the Large Language Model that is the actual artificial intelligence, will remember it all.

You can incorporate elements from movies, books, history, vacation destinations, costumes, and do things you’ve always wanted to try but never have.

3) Enhance your digital Valentine’s date with real props and goodies

You’re essentially dating yourself during this fantasy encounter, so indulge in things that make you feel good in real life: your favorite take-out meal; chocolate and other sweets; a warm bathtub; sex toys (you might want to use voice instead of text); sexy garments; and music.

You can incorporate the real elements into your chat and let the AI experience it as part of the scenario.

4) Plan for your own aftercare

Such fantasies are not only a source of pleasure, they can be a form of self care. Once you’ve ended your digital date, feel good about yourself for flipping what might have been a lonely or disappointing day into something creative and fun.

Then do something that is decidedly not digital. Get back into your own body and physical world and stay there awhile. Take that bath or shower, snuggle under warm blankets, pet your cat or dog, meditate, call a friend, go for a walk, or anything else that is going to make your emotions and body feel good and grounded.

You deserve this.

Wanna do it again?

You may be tempted to repeat the experience, revisit your date, or return to your usual companion bot. And that is okay. Pleasure is a good thing. It’s your birthright. Just remember to use risk awareness in your AI encounters, do what you can to preserve privacy, limit the time you spend with digital partners, and cultivate your other activities and relationships outside of the internet.

And always, always, ground afterwards.

Image source: A.R. Marsh using ideogram.ai