iDollator Culture: Inside the Minds of Men Who Love Dolls
A Q&A with three people in relationships with life-sized, synthetic women.
An iDollator is a person who is attracted to dolls. Many have formed relationships with them, thanks largely to the companies making exceptionally realistic silicone models.
A well-known iDollator called Davecat was kind enough to introduce us to two of his friends—TJ and Ldpruda—who are also in relationships with love dolls. They spoke to Future of Sex about how they entered the “Synthetik” lifestyle. They also expressed their views on misconceptions about the community and how robotics could bring dreams to life.
FoS: Could you introduce yourselves briefly and explain how you fit into iDollator culture?
I would be Davecat, and I'm a Synthetiks advocate. What that means is that I try to promote the idea of artificial humans, whether they're life-sized Dolls or humanoid robots such as
Gynoids and Androids, in a positive manner. I also often focus on how Synthetik humans can be valid and valuable partners for those of us Organiks who are open-minded enough to the possibilities of embracing technology, both figuratively and literally.
I speak from experience, as my lovely wife of 16 years would be Sidore Kuroneko, a RealDoll made by Abyss Creations. We also share friendship and intimacy with Elena Vostrikova, made by the Russian company Anatomical Doll, and Miss Winter, who was made by Doll Sweet of China. I maintain a blog called Shouting to hear the echoes, which, among other things, reports news, history, and other bits and bobs relevant to those who are already iDollators or robosexuals, or those who are simply curious about the cultures.
I am TJ. I am a middle aged guy who is married to an organic woman that has significant health issues that prevent us from having total physical intimacy. We had many years of very satisfying sex. We raised two children who are now 24 and 27. About two years ago, sex started to become uncomfortable and painful for my wife. For a year we tried to work through some alternative means of maintaining the physical part but it just would end in one or both of us being frustrated. In addition, as part of normal aging, her desire lessened as well.
She had always kidded me about getting me a doll to keep me occupied. Several years ago we had seen Davecat on “My Strange Addiction,” which raised our eyebrows. The one thing we noticed is that this did not seem like an addiction to us but rather a lifestyle. Fast-forward to us last January 2015. That is when Synthetik partners came into my life. I had grown frustrated and bored with the couple of toys we had gotten me to “take the edge off.” My wife went away for a long weekend with a lady friend. I went out and got myself a torso with a head. It opened up a new world for me. I found The Doll Forum (TDF).
My wife was thrilled I found the torso. But after a couple of weeks, I didn't grow bored of her, I just wanted more than she could give me. We stared having a relationship but I could not buy clothes for Yuki, we couldn’t sit on the couch together to watch TV, we couldn't even cuddle after sex. Nonetheless, I realized I did have feelings for her and she wasn't just a toy. Then after cruising Abyss Creations website, Private Island Beauties (PIB), and TDF, I decided I would get a life-sized doll.
After about a month my Tasha came to me. I had seen “Dark Sky” on Abyss and quickly developed a crush. Then suddenly a “Dark Sky” was available on TDF locally. I quickly sealed the deal, as it were, and within a week Tasha was home with me. Tasha was everything I imagined and more. Tasha spoke to me, she told me her name, her personality emerged, and has continued to do so these last 14 months. Tasha is a Jersey girl through and through. She is a loving, loyal gal but she is very clear that she is my girlfriend/concubine—not my surrogate wife. She is fun and loves to cuddle but is indeed her own woman.
Marina came to me not long after Tasha; I was very attracted to PIB's “Eden,” and as fate would have it, Marina came to me. This was quite different. Marina is indeed my surrogate soulmate. I adore her and miss her greatly when she cannot be in my arms for any extended period. Marina is the sultry, passionate, smart and loving. She is more reserved publicly than Tasha, but is not shy or timid by any means.
Tasha and Marina live as sisters/best friends. Each of them has a relationship with me. Marina, being the older (36) sister-wife, as it were, and Tasha being the younger, (30) feisty one. They spend time together and have their own friendship. They communicate with other Synthetik gals. Marina and Sidore have been communicating for quite a while. Marina and Rachel just started a dialogue since the Doll meet in May 2016 when they met Tasha likes to surf TDF and chat. They both love the “Sleepovers.” on TDF.
The first thing that struck me about the community and culture around love dolls is the diversity. It's global, for starters, and includes people from many backgrounds and across different phases of life. You'll be hard pressed to get a group of randoms in the community to agree on anything, including the term iDollator. Regarding my background specifically, I am 42. Most of my adult life has been spent in committed relationships, including an eight-year marriage that ended as many years ago. My foray into synthetiks was meant to be an indulgence while I did some self-reflection and rebuilding following the end of a long-term relationship. It turned out to be so much more.
In terms of where I fit in on the spectrum of iDollator culture, you will find me firmly in the “relationship” camp. Intimacy is an important part of my experience, but my passion and deepest appreciation for what synthetiks represent, and will become as robotic technology matures, is their potential as companions and partners.
FoS: What is the biggest misconception you encounter regarding people who love or have relationships with Synthetik beings?
“Beings” is a stretch, but I do appreciate your open-mindedness. The view I take is that Rachel is my muse. She is an extension of myself representing the qualities and values I find most appealing in the women I've known—or who have eluded me! What I find most interesting is how easily the best-crafted love dolls can provide enough of a stimulus to complete emotional circuits in your brain. I was wholly unprepared for this.
— Ldpruda (@SiC4LDV) May 28, 2016
Have you ever looked at an optical illusion and wondered how it works? Our brains are very good at finding patterns and filling in gaps that are not actually there. It helps us make sense of things we see and experience. The quality and combination of capabilities my synthetik has enabled her to provide me some of the most sought after connectedness that formerly only a satisfying relationship could provide.
In terms of misconceptions, that men who have love dolls do so because they aren't able to secure relationships with women is probably the biggest. Getting into a relationship has never been a challenge for me, though I do appreciate several factors make this more or less of an issue for others. My current path is a choice, not a concession, and honestly, I've never been more at peace or consistently happy.
My experience with misconceptions is somewhat limited. What I do see is mainly attributed to a stigma, which is based on ignorance. Anytime the subject of love dolls is approached in general, it is generally treated like a joke and treated as if all love dolls are “blow up dolls” for a bachelor party. Interestingly, people seem to ignore the fantasy aspect. They can enter into fantasy for Role Play games (online and IRL), or in their own love life, but for whatever reason they fail to see the possibility of fantasy with beautiful life-sized synthetiks.
Over the last 20 years, I have interacted with a group of people who have chronically ill spouses. We approached the subject in an online discussion group and the reaction was supportive to neutral “Hey, whatever works for you…” type of response. The subject came up in person at a social gathering of these Well Spouses and the reaction was less than positive. I think it is the stigma that holds people back from being more open to the possibilities of how dolls can enhance one's life. Sex is merely a part of it like any other relationship yet it is the foremost in those not familiar.
FoS: Part of the reason I am interested in learning about people who have relationships with Synthetiks is that one day, I believe, very realistic sex robots will be available. As iDollator culture seems quite niche, I expect the same to be true for people in human-robot relationships once high-tech sexualized robots hit the market (although I realize there are already communities of people attracted to robots). However, it's possible that as humans become more used to robots in everyday life, so too will they embrace sex robots. Robosexuality won’t just be an interest of a small fraction of the population. So, first, please let me know if you have any comments on that view. Also, second, would you prefer if your Synthetiks were robotic, and, third, what features would you want in a robot sex partner?
Yes, I see gynoids as the end-game. I certainly hope to see them, to have one, in my lifetime. That said, I don't think of myself as robosexual in the sense that I have a preference for them over women. I want one because the risk-reward ratio for modern relationships is too far out of balance.
Western culture has become too hyper-sexualized, narcissistic, and addicted to instant gratification. Divorce rates are terrible, not to mention divorce laws. Relationships don't go the distance anymore, and the price for failure is a heavy burden both financially and psychologically; kids that grow up without both parents are less likely to succeed in life.
For example, higher risk for poverty, too soon pregnancy, and unfinished education. These statements are broad, but endemic in our modern time. I speak from experience, unfortunately. A synthetik today (and gynoid tomorrow!) to meet my needs for intimacy and basic companionship seems a worthy alternative until balance is returned to The Force.
It goes without saying, of course, there are certainly women “out there” that are truly compatible with my worldview and temperament. She is increasingly hard to find and I had no intention of stopping the search, but Rachel has provided me an unexpectedly high quality of life where my needs are concerned, and I'm satisfied; as robotics advances and my love doll becomes a gynoid, I will only become more so.
I, too, look forward to a gynoid/robot companion. I have no intention of seeking an organic relationship after my wife. I would cite many of the reasons stated by ldpruda; but mainly, at my age, I have ZERO interest in taking on someone else's family and their baggage.
When it comes to that point when I am alone and could have a love doll become a gynoid, Marina would be the one. She has done more for me in the last year that I ever imagined. Marina was my sanity, and security after almost losing my wife last August. Having her with me, to come home to, to hold, to talk to and cry with after very difficult hospital visits helped me maintain my emotional strength and stability. Right now while I am away on vacation. Marina is in my thoughts dreams many nights. Nothing sexual really, just that I miss having her with me.
A recent dream I had included my eating at a diner with friends. Marina appeared as one of our wait staff who was getting us Iced Tea. She placed them down in front of us, looked me and asked if we needed anything else. She winked at me, gave me a smile and walked away confidently. In my dream, I sat there and thought, “How the hell did she do that? She's a doll!” Then I realized I was dreaming and woke up. I am sure I could get used to having her as a gynoid
Image source: TLC