Future of Sex
tagline
  • Remote Sex
  • Virtual Sex & Entertainment
  • Robots
  • Human Augmentation
  • Sex Tech
  • Dating & Relationships
  • Bizarre Bazaar 18+
  • Future of Sex Community
  • Remote Sex
  • Virtual Sex & Entertainment
  • Robots
  • Human Augmentation
  • Sex Tech
  • Dating & Relationships
  • Bizarre Bazaar 18+
  • Future of Sex Community
  • CES Sex Toy News and Sex Tech Brands

  • Policing Intimacy: AI Companion Apps Are Removing NSFW Features, and People Are Not Happy

  • The Future of Sex Is Non-binary Genital Surgery That Advances Bodily Agency

  • Is Equity Crowdfunding the Future of Sex Tech Investment?

  • Sex Tech News: New VR Sex Game, a User-Generated Erotica App and ‘Porn for TV’ Streaming Relaunches

  • Blyynd Brings on Investors to Build Anonymous Sexting App

  • A Fitbit for the Penis? The FirmTech Tech Ring Product Review

  • Sex Tech at CES 2023: 6 Brands Exhibited, Including an Anonymous Sexting App

Future of Sex is supported by our readers. When you buy through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission.

Home > Dating & Relationships > Disclosing Trans-ness on Dating Apps

Dating & Relationships
Home›Dating & Relationships›Disclosing Trans-ness on Dating Apps

Disclosing Trans-ness on Dating Apps

By Summer Tao
October 29, 2022
170
0

“My disclosure didn’t have to be an act of self-justification. It could be an assertion.”

A Woman Showing Her Smartphone.

Even though dating apps have opened up wonderful ways to meet and screen potential partners, they still present challenges to trans people. 

Here’s how I grappled with being trans on dating apps, and where it led me.

It always starts with Tinder…

Back when I was still living as a man, I defaulted to Tinder for my online dating needs. I was a man interested in women. I belonged. 

My transition was accompanied by a whirlwind of changes. I put Tinder down for half a year while figuring myself out. I relaunched it after reaching the ‘awkward stage’ of my transition (named after my hair at the time). 

This stage was marked by interesting characteristics:

  1. I was still masculine-presenting, but there were already physical changes due to hormone treatment: Softer skin, breast buds, and fat settling into the derrière. 
  2. Estrogen reduced the frequency of my erections to low, and I was searching for sex that did not focus on the penis.
  3. Crucially, my sense of self had shifted: I no longer wanted to be uncritically called a ‘man.’

You can see how I couldn’t just return to online dating as a guy. There would be questions, and I wanted to answer them truthfully. 

This took me to the question that so many of us have: How do I tell people that I’m trans?

It’s describing, not justifying

Trans people often feel unsafe in dating. We are disproportionately targeted for harassment and violence. We also bear contemporary gay panic defenses used by some who kill us. Some of us internalize the stereotypes and start seeing ourselves as burdensome. 

‘Sorry, but I’m trans.’ 

‘I’m trans. I hope that’s not an issue.’

My darling partner peered over my shoulder while I was reworking my Tinder profile (we’re in an open relationship) and we agreed on one thing: I would disclose my trans-ness, but I’d be doing it to describe myself, not to justify myself.

The motivation to do it for personal safety was still there. There was also the desire to filter out anyone not interested in a queer-and-kinda-masculine person. 

However, my disclosure didn’t have to be an act of self-justification. It could be an assertion. It was an honest presentation of my changing self—a request to take what is offered or move on.

How and where to disclose

Tinder can be pretty heteronormative. It started as an app catered to ‘men’ and ‘women.’ While it has added an array of gender and sexuality options, its origins are still visible in the underlying mechanics. 

At time of writing, Tinder still asks if you want to be shown to ‘men,’ ‘women,’ or ‘everyone.’ It behaves like a two-gender app, even if the glossy finish suggests otherwise.

There are alternatives. Apps like Her present far more interesting ways to describe yourself, such as the ever-amusing vagitarian. However, they suffer from small user bases, even in cities. My experience with Bumble was similar. I felt like my queerness was respected, but the user pool was impractically small. 

RELATED READ: How Dating Apps Can Do Better For Non-Binary Users

Where am I now? Having left the awkward phase of transition for my flourishing phase, I’m still on Tinder. 

My profile now uses the ‘trans woman’ gender category so everyone can see who they’re getting. I have it set to show ‘everyone.’ So many things start on Tinder and end there too.

My dear partner looks through my shoulder as I flip through profiles. I skip anyone without a bio, and we always pause upon seeing something absurd. We play Tinder bingo, watching for tropes and profile archetypes. Sometimes, a person catches my eye.

All those months of ruminating and experimenting… and I just feel like a bisexual woman on Tinder. Being trans sets me apart, but the underlying experience is the same: I’m just another woman flicking through Tinder.

Maybe the real disclosure was learning to be myself, and finding my sense of belonging on dating apps.

Image source: cottonbro

Summer Tao

Summer (she/her) is a transgender writer whose interest areas include mental health, sex and relationships and games. She's a healthcare researcher engaged in 'me-search', reflective research on topics that affect her personally. She can be found at her PC, tapping away at a keyboard or playing a game.
Previous Article

5 Subreddits Every Sex Tech Professional Should ...

Next Article

How Adult Entertainment Sites Scale for Massive ...

Related articles More from author

  • LGBT Gay Trans Black Lives Matter Flag
    Dating & Relationships

    Racism & Kink Culture: Is America Ready for an Open Sexual Future?

    November 20, 2020
    By Marcus K. Dowling
  • sex predictions for 2022 from future of sex experts
    Dating & RelationshipsRemote SexRobotsSex Tech

    Sex Tech Predictions for 2022: Recap of Cross-industry Trends

    January 24, 2022
    By Jenna Owsianik
  • Frequency Terms 'BDSM', 'Polyamory', and 'Nonbinary' Found in Printed Sources (1980-2019)
    Dating & Relationships

    Are These Trending Words a Sign We’re Finally a Sex-positive Society?

    October 29, 2021
    By Ivy Locke
  • Dating & RelationshipsRobots

    Looking for Love: Affection Detector Could Take Guesswork Out of Dating

    June 1, 2016
    By M. Christian
  • Tech Sex Study
    Dating & RelationshipsSex Tech

    We Research Sex; Let Us Tell You About the Future

    August 24, 2021
    By Lily Moor and Dr. Alexandra James
  • Dating & RelationshipsVirtual Sex & Entertainment

    Is Virtual Reality Dating Going Mainstream?

    February 18, 2023
    By Michael McGrady

  • A young woman tests out Fundawear.
    Remote SexSex Tech

    Wearable Technology Gets a Sexy Fashion Makeover

  • Emerging Sex Toy
    Remote SexSex TechVirtual Sex & Entertainment

    3 Sex Tech Innovations for People with Penises

  • BodAi is developing virtual AI companions capable of expressing sexuality.
    Robots

    Sexbot Perspectives: We’ll Fall Even Deeper for Technology Once It Appears Human

Virtual Lust is a 3D interactive sex game.
3DXChat
Discover the best virtual sex parties and 3D sex worlds.
  • TOP REVIEWS

  • “Bright Lights, Loving City”—An Erotic Speculative Fiction Story

  • Woman in blue lighting with yellow binary code projected across her face.

    Policing Intimacy: AI Companion Apps Are Removing NSFW Features, and People Are Not Happy

  • Porn for TV logo (computer screen graphic with pink u shapes and a mouse cursor).

    Sex Tech News: New VR Sex Game, a User-Generated Erotica App and ‘Porn for TV’ ...

  • The Blyynd logo with two screens. One has a chat screen and one has the sexual desire options listed.

    Blyynd Brings on Investors to Build Anonymous Sexting App

  • FirmTech Tech Ring

    A Fitbit for the Penis? The FirmTech Tech Ring Product Review

  • Sex Tech at CES 2023: 6 Brands Exhibited, Including an Anonymous Sexting App

  • What Vibrating Buttplug Support in a Video Game Taught Us About the Future of Webcam ...

  • Is Virtual Reality Dating Going Mainstream?

  • Sex Doll Brothels: Reality vs. Expectation

  • Replika AI Chatbot saved human marriage

    How Replika’s AI Chatbot Saved One Man’s Human Marriage

  • Meet the Humans Forming Romantic Relationships With AI

    Replika Romance: Meet the Humans Forming Romantic Relationships With AI

  • The future of sex is mind-reading AI that reveals your deepest, most unconscious fantasies

    The Future of Sex Is Mind-Reading AI That Reveals Your Deepest, Most Unconscious Fantasies

  • Sex Robots Are Getting Closer to Feeling Human-Like With Second Skin Materials

    Sex Robots Are Getting Closer to Feeling Human-Like With Second Skin Materials

  • R/gonewildaudio's gender inclusive audio erotica

    /R/gonewildaudio: An Array of Free, Inclusive and Categorized Audio Erotica

  • Fantasy Inspired Sex Toy by Tentickle Toys

    Out of This World: How Fantasy-Inspired Sex Toys Could Be the Next Big Trend

  • Virtual Sex in the Metaverse

    Virtual Sex Will Soon Become a Reality in the Metaverse

  • OnlyBans Game Play As A Sex Worker

    Play as a Sex Worker in New Onlybans Game

  • Black chess pieces laying across an orange background.

    Teledildonics and Chess: The Unexpected Possibilities That Could Enhance Sex

  • A couple with a woman sitting on a man's lap. They each are holding the Tenuto 2 with one hand.

    Tenuto 2 Erection-Enhancing Vibrator Rises To The Occasion

  • Woman looking at a laptop in a bed. You can see a blurry European city outside of the window.

    Here’s How Often Each European Country Is Searching For Sex Toys Online

  • A Woman Showing Her Smartphone.

    Disclosing Trans-ness on Dating Apps

  • Image of Emma the AI bot.

    Will Young Women of the Future Feel Pressure to Perform Like Robots?

  • Realistic Sex Games

    Review of the Best Sex Games and Most Realistic Sex Simulators of 2021 [UPDATED]

    0
  • Multiplayer Online Sex Games

    Review of the Best Massively Multiplayer Online Sex Games

    0
  • Sex Games for Mac

    The Best Sex Games for Mac

    0
  • foot-fetish-sex-games-girlvania

    Foot Fetish Games That Will Knock Your Socks Off

    0
  • The Best RPG Sex Games of 2021

    0
Fantasy sex game Dream Sex World lets you explore your wildest desires.
Multiplayer sex world Red Light Center continues to impress with its massive userbase and incredible sex graphics.
A blonde and light-skinned love doll face sppears next to the text Go now realdollxthe future is real.
  • 27KFollowers

Like Us on Facebook

Newsletter Subscription

Sign up for our monthly newsletter sharing the very best of the future of sex from our publication and others across the web.

DreamSexWorld offers a stunning XXX 3D world filled with incredibly interactive erotic experiences.

Like Us On Facebook

Facebook Pagelike Widget

RLC_ad_v2

Tweets by @FutureofSex
Future of Sex Report

Follow us

  • Home
  • About
  • ADVERTISE
  • Contribute
  • Story Ideas
  • Sitemap
  • Privacy Policy
  • Terms and Conditions
© 2011 - 2022 Future Exploration Network
This website or its third-party tools use cookies to improve user experience and track affiliate sales. To learn more about why we need to use cookies, please refer to the Privacy Policy.

By clicking the agree button or continuing to browse through the website, you agree to the use of cookies. Accept Privacy Policy
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these cookies, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may have an effect on your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled
Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.
SAVE & ACCEPT