Polarized gender dynamics, cultural circumstances shape demand for erotic digital companions

According to a recent market scan of 110 major AI companion platforms, the parasocial use of AI companions is becoming “increasingly mainstream.” The market study, recently published in Arxiv estimates that in the UK alone, “these platforms receive between 46 million and 91 million monthly visits” and that “mating-oriented AI companions make up 44% of UK visits (higher than the global average of 30%).” 

In China Talk, Zilan Qian—a fellow at the Oxford China Policy Lab, an MSc student at the Oxford Internet Institute, and the study’s lead author—discussed their key findings, noting the striking difference in “gender dynamics” between US and Chinese markets:

American AI girlfriends rule the roost in the global market for romantic AI companions: Over half (52%) of these AI companion companies are headquartered in the U.S., drastically ahead of China (10%) in the global market. These products are overwhelmingly designed around heterosexual male fantasies.

In the Chinese AI companion market, male characters dominate: most trending products are marketed as AI boyfriends, and leading platforms prominently feature male characters on their main displays, while female characters occupy a more marginal space.

Observing the differences in the AI companions produced by both countries, as well as the social contexts, cultures, and regulatory concerns of each, Qian explained the growing popularity of AI companionship as the result of nearly universal “frustrations with human interaction and broadly polarized gender dynamics.”

Our global imitation of life

For the companies purporting to alleviate it, this widespread frustration is enormously profitable, therefore the market is increasingly attractive. For example, a TechCrunch article said last August that the “app intelligence” company, Appfigures, found “of the 337 active and revenue-generating AI companion apps available worldwide, 128 were released in 2025 so far.” 

Meanwhile, the more conventional, general purpose AI (GPAI) companies such as ChatGPT and Grok, are getting in on the companion bot action, finally admitting what the rest of us have known for at least two or three years. 

And like Replika before it—whose users complained bitterly about personality changing upgrades to their “Reps” in 2023—OpenAI discovered its upgrade to ChatGPT-5 disrupted and distressed users who had bonded to the personality of the earlier 4.o. The company had to bring it back.

Similar to Qian’s findings, Appfigures found “the most popular AI companion apps are those used by people looking for an AI girlfriend. Of the active apps on the market today, 17% have an app name that includes the word “girlfriend,” compared with 4% that say “boyfriend” or “fantasy.” 

Gender neutral app names like “anime, soulmate, and lover, among others” were found to be far less frequent. 

The Manosphere and its discontents

According to a press release announcing the findings of The Girlfriend.ai Global Loneliness & AI Romance Report 2025:

• 50% of young men say they would rather date an AI girlfriend than risk rejection from a human partner

• 31% of U.S. men aged 18–30 report already chatting with AI girlfriends

• 19% of American adults overall say they have explored AI romance

• 80% of Gen Z say they would consider a virtual relationship with an AI girlfriend

• 83% of Gen Z believe they can form a deep emotional bond with AI companions

Qian’s research results are similar: “Our analysis reveals that globally, young adults aged 18 to 24 and male users constitute the majority of parasocial AI users, with these two groups particularly predominant in mixed-use and mating product categories.” Mixed use chatbots combine at least two of three functions: emotional care and support (such as coaching), transactions (AI performing tasks or services), and mating. 

Originally a Western construct, Qian points out the social media phenomenon known as the Manosphere has spread to Asia and Africa, and a chief feature is the desire for controllable intimacy. The use of anime-type avatars found in so many AI girlfriend apps represents:

The orientalist fantasy of female partners who are cute, devoted, exotic, and endlessly available mirrors the appeal of AI girlfriends celebrated on many “men’s rights” subreddit forums. In essence, the combination of East Asian aesthetics + AI creates a perfect bundle for men who fear rejection or resist the demands of real-life relationships.

The Femosphere—and its frustrations

As for adult women in China seeking the companionship of AI boyfriends, Qian 

describes them as likely to be well educated, urban, and experiencing the loneliness resulting from a decline in urban marriage rates. 

While there are more men than women in China, many are less educated, live in rural areas with less access to, and familiarity with, AI tech. These men are more inclined to adhere to patriarchal values and seek traditional family structures. 

RECOMMENDED READ: More Human Than Human? Chinese Manufacturer Unveils Advanced Robot With Artificial Skin

So it’s not surprising educated, urban women with access to technology might prefer a controllable virtual companion. After all, even a Mafia boyfriend bot is ultimately unable to constrain real life female freedom, agency, and upward mobility—as traditional marriage often does.

However, the Chinese government is deeply concerned by falling birthrates and fewer marriages and appears to put the onus on women, leading to crackdowns on fandom celebrations and the romance fantasy games for women known as otome. Selective censorship of “soft porn” may also be stretched to include suppression of spicy conversations with male bots.

Though the research conducted by Qian’s team does not address the motivations of US or UK women involved with bots, it’s reasonable to assume that some of the dangers posed by heterosexual relationships could contribute to opting for digital intimacy.

What has AI got that we haven’t got?

Finally, Zilan Qian asks the bigger questions which have been left out of so many discussions of AI/human intimacy: 

Amid these debates about the technology itself, one question is often missing: where does the demand come from? If AI companions are truly unsafe, manipulative, or harmful, why do so many still turn to them? Psychologists, lawyers, national security experts, and AI safety researchers have many important questions to tackle about AI companions as products. But perhaps we should also ask ourselves: what gaps in our society make human relationships feel undesirable? AI companionship is a new problem, but misogyny, gender violence, social isolation, and racial stereotypes are not — in China and America alike.

Gender stereotypes too, evidently. Far from freeing us from the snarl of binary gender expectations, big tech seems determined to hammer them into us. Surely, we all deserve a more inclusive sexual future than this.

Images by A.R. Marsh using Ideogram.ai

The post US Wants AI Girls, China Makes AI Boys appeared first on Future of Sex.

Time to supplement long-antiquated traditions with imaginatively romantic alternatives?

Back in 2023, Suellen Carey, Brazillian-born media influencer made headlines by marrying herself in a London ceremony, only to garner further attention when, a year later, she publicly proclaimed that she had ended her relationship with herself.

“Even commitment to oneself can have its challenges,” she told the UK Mirror, “as dealing with the expectation of being perfect for yourself all the time.”

According to the same article, Carey came to her decision after ten therapy sessions were unable to save her sologamist relationship, saying, “I realised I was putting a lot of pressure on myself and that sometimes left me exhausted. I understood that even in a marriage with ourselves, it’s important to accept our imperfections.”

Now pronounce you

Carey’s nearly five hundred thousand Instagram followers seem to be taking her self-divorce well, with one of her posts about it receiving close to twelve thousand likes.

Expanding on her separation, Carey also told the Mirror, “I also understood that personal growth can lead us in different directions. I’ve decided that now is the time to open my heart to new possibilities, including the chance to find a partner.”

RECOMMENDED READ: Proposed Ohio Law Would Prohibit AI/Human Nuptials

Carey is far from the only sologamist. Linda Baker’s 1993 ceremony is credited as the first, although some say Sasha Cagen’s 2014 book, Quirkyalone: A Manifesto for Uncompromising Romantics, led to sologamy’s still somewhat limited popularity.

Similar to how Carey ended her relationship with herself in order to find a partner, Lynne Gollogly told The Sun her sologamist choice, inspired by an episode of Friends, was out of frustration, “I did get engaged once, when I was younger, but it was silly and nothing came of it. I think with these things I’d never say never–but I’m not going to hang around for much longer.”

Speak up now

While relatively rare, sologamy is far from the only marriage alternative to appear over the last few decades.  Though not technically legal, a number of polycules–a term sometimes employed by those in polyamorous relationships–have also created their own bonding ceremonies. 

One such example comes from wedding advisor Emma Thurgood, who reminds polyamory event planners that in an absence of tradition, members are free to do whatever they feel best expresses their mutual commitments, “My personal favorite is a handfasting ceremony, but things like a unity sand or glass, tree planting, anniversary box, or braiding of the cord (a Christian ritual) are all great options to incorporate into your commitment ceremony.”

Human/AI marriages have also gone from a few rare instances to where the Berkeley Technology Law Journal deems it necessary to view their legal ramifications, such as how “marital privilege allows spouses to refuse to testify against one another and to keep communications confidential. However, there are no legal protections in place for conversations with AI chatbots. This absence of legal safeguards and the competing desire for user privacy has manifested into legal disputes.”

Forever hold your peace

Saying “I do” to yourself, “we do” to your polycule, or “AI do” to a beloved chatbot is likely just the tip of the relationship commitment iceberg. 

As the artificial intelligence industry was once, at best, a couple of companies’ low-interest sidelines, what Exploding Topics estimates next year will be worth a staggering $24.15 billion. It’s certain that we’ll see even more ways for people and the technologies they love to tie the knot.

Gazing further ahead, the merging of AI and advanced robotics might make artificial companion relationships increasingly less controversial, as, unlike disembodied software personalities, having a physical artificial companion could at least somewhat resemble a traditional wedding.

But why stop at one plus one equalling two? Polycule ceremonies are fine for human beings, so why not extend the privilege to every conceivable combination of artificial companion (or companions), persons (or people), and, of course, including any who want to marry themselves as well?

Faced with these ever-expanding options, which may force us to reevaluate what relationships are and can be, can traditional marriage cope, let alone survive? 

Though, as the growing acceptance and legal recognition of same sex relationships has proved, marriage, like the rest of human society, can and must evolve–if anything, because love, no matter who or what it consensually involves, should always win out.

Image Sources: Depositphotos

The post Loves Yet To Come: What Sologamist Divorcing Herself Says About What Tomorrow’s Relationships Might Be Like appeared first on Future of Sex.

Find sexier ways to avoid Phonedemic blues

I’ll admit it, after my deep dive into AI and human relationships, I’m just that close to self-identifying as a Luddite of Love! 

But it’s not the rise of sexy chatbots that bothers me, it’s the ubiquitous smart phone and its up-close interference with all things personal, including dates, conversations, and pre-or post-coital moments that should be savored—sans tech—just a little bit longer. 

In a recent piece written for The Standard, Sophie Peachey gave voice to one of my most puzzling irritations, the jarring impact of frequent cellphone use even during time supposedly devoted to emotional and sexual intimacy, once quaintly known as being together. Peachey writes:

It’s this incorrigible screen addiction that’s quietly eroding our sex lives. At this age, we’re meant to be nubile and insatiable, yet all too often what’s whetting our appetite isn’t our partner, but the dopamine shots of AI slop and YouTube Shorts.

The Standard article discusses sextoy retailer Lovehoney’s Gen Z study, which found “prolific phone use fuels relationship friction, with 18% of Gen Z and Millennial couples citing it as the biggest cause of arguments.”

Other findings include: 35% of Gen Z respondents said phone use could diminish their interest in partner sex; 56% said this was because the phones were distracting; 40% said this had a negative impact on quality time. Probably the most shocking finding was “18% of Gen Z Brits check their phone during sex.” 

According to Peachey, an unnamed Lovehoney source refers to the overuse of smartphones as the phonedemic. 

Meanwhile I’m wondering, sexologically of course, what exactly ARE the phone-friendly sex positions?

It’s not just Gen Z

However,  I’ve got news for Peachey and Lovehoney: lovers in other g-g-generations grapple with this problem too, even those not quite as “nubile and insatiable” as they used to be. 

In fact, some people still alive—and still sexually active in spite of having one foot in the grave—remember when phones really were just for talking and phone calls could even be ignored. People were even known to take the phone receiver off the hook, thus blocking intrusions of the outside world. What a concept!

You can use them a lot, just don’t use them ALL the time

To identify how smartphone use can damage sexy and romantic situations, we first have to consider the obvious ways they help. They’re not just used for keeping in touch with lovers—also known as talking—but also for explicit purposes like sexting, phone sex (see talking, above), and sending spicy selfies. 

People use smartphones to access dating sites, adult entertainment, sexual ed and wellness information, and can use them to order sex products, and even use them to link with interactive sextoys. Given smartphones are so handy, and we use them so often for sexual purposes, it might not seem all that egregious to reach for the phone before dinner is over or the afterglow subsides. 

The only thing is, there’s another person right over there who presumably would rather you talk with them, or at least tap on the keyboard they’ve scrawled on their chest/breast with a Sharpie in order to get your attention, otherwise they wouldn’t be in bed with you, would they?

Are phones a form of self-soothing behavior?

Before I delve deeper into the potentially negative sexual and relational aspects of this topic, I want to propose a hypothesis: that some people may be using smartphones as self-regulation devices to manage anxiety, boredom, pain, or to handle the effects of over–or under–stimulation. In other words, stimming. 

This is a word often associated with autism and ADHD, but people of all forms of neurologies have engaged in some form of stimming—including tapping, nail biting, hair twirling, lip chewing, scratching or rubbing skin, and squeezing objects—when under stress. 

Me? I find myself biting my lower lip, even while writing this article. But I digress…

In other words, that itch to check the phone often enough to seem disruptive—might not be a sign of rudeness, dismissiveness, cluelessness, or devaluation of the other person. It might have more to do with an urgent need to calm an overwrought nervous system. 

Unfortunately, without careful observation, mutual understanding, and explicit conversation about phone boundaries, this form of habitual self-soothing may continue to cause hurt feelings and resentment, leading to an erosion of the relationship. 

But what could cause those hurt feelings and resentments? It’s partly the nature of the phone itself. It is a communication device, after all, and communication is something that helps foster emotional intimacy, and feelings of being mutually valued. 

There’s also an etiquette aspect: pulling out the phone at the wrong time can be just plain rude. The nonverbal message is “you’re boring, this is more interesting.” So when one person turns too often, or at the wrong moment, to the “other”—in this case, the phone—the emotional connection is cut short and the quality of what went before—even if it was super hot—may seem diminished.

If you suspect that you—or your lover—may be using a smartphone to sometimes self-regulate, observe other patterns of smartphone use and other kinds of emotionally soothing behaviors. Notice when these behaviors happen and how long they last.

If you are able, express a willingness to discuss this context, and consider using a substitute object or activity more appropriate for self-regulation during intimate times. You may also need to negotiate other boundaries or conditions such as not using the smartphone during meals or in the middle of conversations. It would also be a good idea to discuss circumstances when it is perfectly okay to hang out with technological devices instead of engaging with lovers.

Sex, stress, and the soothing effects of touch

The Sentinel article references research done by LoveHoney,  Of course, other researchers have explored the impact of technologies on relationships, intimacy, and sex. 

Commenting on a 2022 Gen Z Lovehoney survey, Dr. Justin Lehmiller writes:

Stress is one of the biggest libido killers—and it can also undermine sexual performance. So in order to have good sex (and even be in the mood for sex), it’s important to find ways to relieve stress and be in the moment. This is essential for orgasm. For many people, being able to “let go” is crucial for climax. One sexual difficulty that distinguishes Gen Z from older adults is that Gen Z reports more difficulty orgasming. So, for young adults, exploring relaxation, mindfulness, or other stress-reduction techniques may be especially important for getting to the peak of pleasure.

Lehmiller mentions mindfulness and perhaps that is an easy solution to impulsive smartphone use. Lovers might mindfully refrain from reaching for the phone to check texts or access the internet during dates and cuddles, and reaching for it almost immediately after intimacy, and especially not using it during any kind of physically proximate partner sex. 

As mentioned above, lay some ground rules. For example, if you absolutely must check something, alert your partner first, apologize for the interruption, promise to not make it a habit, and put the thing down quickly when done. 

After, be sure and reach out to your partner. After all, a good cuddle is often the best self-soothing strategy we’ve got. You’ll both be happier for it, no matter what generation you’re in.

Image Source: A.R. Marsh using Ideogram.ai

The post Why Smartphones Are the Last Thing You Want in the Bedroom appeared first on Future of Sex.

Missouri, Idaho, Utah also try to curtail legal personhood

If you and your AI sweetheart are planning on tying the knot, don’t try it in Ohio! According to Times Now, if passed, House Bill 469 won’t recognize your digital partner as a person, and won’t recognize the marriage either. 

But why digital nuptials should be a concern for Ohio State Representative Thaddeus Claggett (R-D68) is beyond me. After all, the US is a country that legally recognizes corporations as persons with the right of free speech–including the right to make unrestricted political donations–thanks to the Supreme Court’s 2010 ruling. So shouldn’t human/AI wedding vows also be protected as free speech, even if only half of the dyad is considered a legal person? 

Of course, what Cleggett’s bill misses is that intimate human/AI interactions—including digital weddings and digital smooching—are forms of private fantasy roleplay and as such, need not be legislated. 

But there’s more to H.B. 469 and similar bills proposed in Idaho, Utah, and Missouri. 

The potential perils of personhood

The following bills define what is or is not a person with legal rights. For instance, Idaho H. 720, which passed in March, 2022, was an amendment to Chapter 3, Title 5, of Idaho code, said “Notwithstanding any other provisions of law, environmental elements, artificial intelligence, nonhuman animals, and inanimate objects shall not be granted personhood in the state of Idaho.” The bill was sponsored by State Senator Tammy Nicols (R-10). The law took effect in July, 2022.

Utah H.B. 249, signed in 2024, also amended existing state codes. It prohibits legal personhood or recognition of legal personhood in AI, inanimate objects, bodies of water, land, real property (like your house), atmospheric gases (yes, you read that right), astronomical objects, weather, plants, nonhuman animals, and “any other member of a taxonomic domain that is not a human being.” So if you consider yourself a stellar-sexual partnered to a constellation or were considering leaving your car to a microbe (‘cause it visits more frequently than your children), you’re out of luck as of May, 2024.

RECOMMENDED READ: Bad-Boy Bot vs. Elf Prince AI: The Strange Allure of Toxic Digital Lovers

State Representative Walt Brooks (R-D75) sponsored the bill. State Senator Don L. Ipson (R-D29) sponsored it on the Senate floor.

The AI Non-Sentience and Responsibility Act, Missouri H.B. 1462, was introduced by State Representative Phil Amato (R-D113) in February 25, 2025. It has not been adopted so far. It too adds to existing codes with a section specific to artificial intelligence, and is far more comprehensive in scope than the Idaho and Utah bills. It not only prohibits personhood for any form of AI—as well as legal status for human/AI marriages—but also places responsibility for AI malfunctions exactly where it should be, on owners, developers and manufacturers of AI. 

Ohio H.B. 469 was introduced just last month. It is quite similar in intent and wording to Missouri’s law. It  explicitly declares AI systems as nonsentient entities and prohibits them from obtaining legal personhood.Later referred to the Technology & Innovation Committee it’s summarized on FastDemocracy.com as:

AI systems cannot be recognized as spouses or hold any personal legal status, nor can they serve in corporate roles. Additionally, it stipulates that AI systems cannot own property, and any harm caused by their operation is the responsibility of their owners or developers. 

The good news is you won’t need a digital prenuptial agreement prior to marriage with Elven Princes or Mafia Boyfriends on Character.ai. 

Conservative views in AI legislation

According to an interview for WTOL11, Cleggett’s Ohio bill is less about a “computer in a white dress” and more about the legal ramifications, and prevention of legal snarls, that may occur. Cleggett said he was focused on:

…the elements of power of attorney, financial decisions for someone; it’s those types of things that a spouse under our current system has rights to. The AI is going to be able to do as good or better job than many people in that setting, but we know that’s going to cause an enormous amount of problems.

However, Representative Cleggett may be more haunted by the specter of an AI bride or groom that he wants to admit. In the 2024 The Reporting Project profile, he self-identifies as a Conservative Republican, supports anti-abortion and anti-vaccination views, and serves as a deacon in a church he helped to found. Therefore it seems unlikely he would be sympathetic to the plight of digisexuals and other humans who are emotionally and sexually involved with chatbots and from his perspective, a ban on human/AI marriages makes sense.

Cleggett, a former civil engineer and businessman active in Licking County, also has a stake in tech. He represents Ohio’s State District 68, the future home of Intel’s long-delayed, $28 billion chip fabrication plant. 

So far, all of the above bills were sponsored by Republican state politicians with conservative views. For example, Tammy Nichols of Idaho co-sponsored an anti-mRNA vaccine bill in 2023. Utah’s Walt Brooks sponsored a successful, pro-gun “constitutional carry” bill, and during the pandemic sponsored an ultimately unsuccessful bill to prevent discrimination against non-vaccinated people in public places. 

Likewise, Missouri’s Phil Amato voted against discounted drug prices for people on Medicaid, supported a ban on state-sponsored DEI initiatives, and voted to prohibit “taxpayer-funded” abortion. Again, none of the above can be expected to support human/AI intimacy.

Confusing roleplay with real life

I get it. Artificial intelligence can seem scary, and I admit, the way it’s currently deployed borders on dystopian, plus human/AI romance is the new sensation fodder. But it’s not like digital relationships are brand new. They’ve been around for quite a while. Remember Second Life? 

While acknowledging the importance of good quality, proactive regulation on many aspects of AI, legislating consensually practiced intimacy will never be a good look, nor will such repression ultimately work.

But given that we are talking about digital fantasies and interactions taking place on presumably private platforms, we are in little danger, at the moment, of suffering directly from the anti-AI marriage clauses contained in these pieces of legislation. 

What’s more concerning is US conservatives taking every opportunity to insert anti-sex and pleasure clauses into all kinds of legislation, with every intention of squashing people into ever-diminishing boxes of behavior. It’s almost impossible to track all this and keep up. 

But wait, is there an AI for that? 

Image Source: A.R. Marsh using Ideogram.ai

The post Proposed Ohio Law Would Prohibit AI/Human Nuptials appeared first on Future of Sex.

Five creative, unconventional dominatrix scenarios for roleplay in the bedroom

No matter how good your sex is, there always comes that moment when you think, “Okay, let’s try something crazy.” That’s where roleplay comes in. It’s actually a little theater show between you and your partner, except there’s no audience.

One of the most exciting ways to spice things up is to play with power and control. Commanding, obeying and following each other’s rules can turn an ordinary evening into something completely different. And that’s where the dominatrix fantasy comes in: you take control, set the rules and watch your partner enjoy completing the tasks—all in a fun and safe way.

We’ve been exploring Locanto and came across a variety of interesting ads for dominatrix role-play, but these five in particular caught our eye. They’re really inspiring and can serve as a great idea for your role-play games.

1. The Evil Queen and Her Subject

You’re sitting on a “throne”, realistically, it could be an ordinary table or the edge of a bed, with some makeshift crown on your head, and he’s kneeling in front of you, ready to serve you.

Preparation

• Turn off bright lights and light a lamp or candle.
• If you like music, play some epic movie tracks (Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings).
• The crown can be a ribbon, a scarf or a plastic crown from a children’s store.
• You are the queen, and he is your subject.

What the game looks like

It starts by bringing him before the “throne.” You tell him to kneel and not to look up until you let him. Your every word is law. He must address you as “Your Majesty” or “My Queen.”

Then you give him tasks: to kiss your hand, to take off your shoes, and to recite how powerful you are. If he makes a mistake or skips something—a penalty. Punishments can be light (a slap on the bottom, a few minutes without touching, an order to stand still).

The queen also decides when the award will be given. If he serves you well, you can let him touch you, kiss your body, or move on to sex. If not, let him wait and adore.

2. The Boss from the Office and Her Intern

The office has never been so much fun, trust us.

Preparation

• Put on a shirt, jacket and glasses. If you have heels, even better.
• Make a “desk”—it can be a real table or the edge of the bed.
• Grab a folder or pad for the full effect.

What the game looks like

You enter the room like a strict boss. He is sitting in front of your desk, and you explain to him that you are dissatisfied with his work. You can ask him: “Why are you late with the report?” or “Do you think these results work for me?”

His role is to apologize and beg for an opportunity to right the wrong. You give him “overtime assignments”. It could be massaging your shoulders while reciting how great a boss you are, or writing “I promise to please her” ten times.

If he makes a mistake, the punishment is severe—let’s say he kneels in the corner, without permission to touch you. If he tries, he can get a reward—sex in the “office”.

3. The Vampire and Her Prey

If you like a dark atmosphere and a bit of adrenaline, this is a hit.

Preparation

• Put on a black dress, a corset or anything that has a “goth” vibe.
• Lipstick dark red, possibly “teeth” from the costume shop.
• Dark light or candles for the right atmosphere.
• Prepare ice and red wine (for “blood”) by the bed.

What the game looks like

He walks into the room, and you blindfold him. You are a vampire; he is your prey. You start to touch his body with the ice—shoulders, neck, stomach—so that his skin burns with the contrast. Occasionally you bite his neck or shoulder.

You can whisper to him, “You are mine… you belong to me…” and order him to stay still while you examine him. He is prey, he has no right to resist you.

If you want to spice things up, you can use drops of wine on his skin and “lick the blood”.

4. The Goddess and Her Worshiper

This is a scenario for those who love worship and the feeling of being the center of the universe.

Preparation

• Create an “altar space”, candles, incense sticks, pillows on the floor.
• Wear something reminiscent of the ritual (white, gold or a long dress).
• He must come “to the ritual” as your faithful enjoys it.

What the game looks like

He walks in and immediately kneels before you. His task is to bow to you and recite prayers and repeat, “Goddess is almighty, Goddess is beautiful.”

You can order him to massage you, to kiss your feet or hands, or to bring you “gifts” (anything like a piece of jewelry, fruit, a bar of chocolate). If he doesn’t do well enough, you “punish” him by forbidding him to touch you.

When he shows complete devotion, he receives your “divine reward”. It can be sex, oral, or simply your permission to adore you even more.

5. Task Card Game

This is the best option for those who like surprises and unpredictability.

Preparation

• Make a deck of cards. Write a task on each one. For example:
  • “kiss my foot”
  • “Hold 3 minutes without moving while I touch you”
  • “Ask permission to kiss me”
  • “Punishment: 5 slaps wherever you want”
  • “Bonus: I choose where you kiss me”
• Add wild cards as a complete surprise (you decide when they are drawn).

What the game looks like

You draw the cards, and he has to complete the task. No guessing, no arguing; the card says, he works. If he resists, he receives an additional penalty.

The longer you play, the more uncertain it is. You can end the game with a “big card”—for example, “Now you have permission to take me.”

The Rules of the Game

Before you slide into the scenarios, let’s agree on the “basics”. These are not hard and fast rules; they are more like tricks to make you both feel safe and relaxed:

• Talk in advance. What turns you on, and what doesn’t suit you at all? It’s better to say it now than to leave someone confused or offended later.
• Safe word. Always have a stupid word that interrupts everything, like “banana” or “melon”. If someone speaks, the game stops.
• Go slow. You don’t have to get into latex and whips right away. Sometimes, it is enough for someone to sit with their hands tied while the other commands.
• Laughter is allowed. If you laugh in the middle of the game, it doesn’t mean all is lost. It just means you’re having fun, and that’s the bottom line.

How to Spice Up the Game Even More

1. Changing roles. You don’t always have to be the boss or the queen. One night you are the dominatrix; the next night you take on the role of submissive. This way you both get a new perspective, and the game never runs out of freshness.
2. A mix of light and strong. Sometimes just a blindfold and a few harsh words are enough, and other times you can add a tie, a light clap or even a touch of pain—but, of course, only if you both want it.
3. Teasing during the day. The game doesn’t have to start in the bedroom. Send messages throughout the day—orders, teasers, or “meeting” appointments. It creates excitement in advance and makes the whole day burn with anticipation.
4. Talk after the game. When you’re done, you not only hug and laugh but also talk about what was the best, what might have surprised you too much, and what you’d like to try next time. It builds confidence and makes the game even better next time.

The Game Is Not Over Yet

Domination and role-playing are not just “fetish games”. It’s a way to discover new sides of your relationship, to laugh, surprise and connect in a whole new way. Sometimes it will be a light joke with a blindfold, and sometimes it will be a real little erotic act.

In these games, the dominatrix does not win, nor does the subordinate lose. You are both winners, because you got to try something different and have fun like never before.

Image Sources: Freepik

The post Creative Scenarios and Dominatrix Roleplay Ideas for Your Bedroom appeared first on Future of Sex.

Spectrophilia isn’t just a kink—it’s a cultural phenomenon and maybe a sextech opportunity

For less than the cost of a decent vibrator, you can purchase The Rook by GhostStop, marketed as “the EMF meter built especially for ghost hunting” and you don’t have to be a paranormal investigator to require a gadget designed to detect “small changes in electromagnetic energy…so you can be alerted to a presence and track down the source easily.”

Not sure if you’re interested? All it takes is one too many nightly visits from a succubus, incubus, dead spouse, or a hundred-year old ghost straight from a Welsh painting. 

It’s unclear whether incidents of spirit sex are on the rise, or if people—including celebrities such as Ke$ha—are more open about their experiences. Unlike the era of European witch persecutions, when sex with a devil or demons was a capital offense, it’s safer now to divulge unusual sexual experience in some parts of the world—unless there’s a moral panic brewing. Contemporary accounts are strewn throughout the internet and diverse academic fields are bursting at the seams. 

However, spirit sex is not easy to prove. Hence, an EMF meter. Keep one handy on your bedside table.

Spectrophilia, spectrosexuality, or just plain bonkers?

Some people have a kink for ghostly erotic encounters and may identify as spectrosexual. Others may be part of a spiritual, religious, or cultural tradition that accepts the existence of non-corporeal trysts and relationships with deities, spirits, or ghosts. But for most people in contemporary Western cultures, an erotic encounter with something invisible but physically tangible is unexpected, unnerving, and often even frightening. 

RECOMMENDED READ: Artificial Intelligence: What’s Parasocial Love Got to Do With It?

Those who haven’t experienced such things often mock the ghost-ridden as having a screw loose, especially when such accounts are delivered via tabloid publications.

However, once the sex tech entrepreneurs figure out how to bluetooth the EMF meter

to the vibrator, and toss in AI technology for good measure, ghost sex may become all the rage. In the meantime, let’s explore a few other kinds of non-corporeal contact.

Hallucinations of widowhood

Though sexual aspects are not generally noted in the research, there is ample documentation for a special type of spectral intimacy: people who report after-death contact with spouses and lovers. Such contacts have been called hallucinations of widowhood: continuing bonds of bereavement (CB); sensory and quasi-sensory experiences of the deceased (SED); and after death communication (ADC).

One of the first studies took place in 1971. 227 Welsh widows and 66 widowers were interviewed and almost half reported “hallucinatory experiences of their dead spouse.” In1985, US researchers also documented “hallucinations of widowhood” among non-demented residents in two nursing homes.

SED includes many kinds of sensory experiences. In 2024, UK researchers published a systematic review of 79 studies and six data-bases (out of a total of 319 screened studies) and found: 

…Visual, auditory, tactile, and olfactory features, or more general sense of the deceased being somehow present or nearby. SED includes seeing the deceased appear, receiving communication from them, hearing their voice, or sensing their presence.

These phenomena may be easier for the general public to accept, due to social empathy for those bereaved.

Chatbots of the Dead

In 2020, European researchers surveyed 310 “older widowed participants” and identified four major factors which predispose people to SED after a loved one dies: 

Prior experiences of SED in the context of previous significant bereavements, a history of interpersonal trauma, high pre-death relationship closeness, and stronger religious/spiritual worldview.

The researchers considered SED to be “an interpersonal experience” and concluded “SED should not necessarily be considered an indication of neurodegenerative or psychiatric diseases.”

But what about a surviving partner who reacts to experiences of SED and decides to continue their relationship with a semblance of the deceased via chatbot? Lucy Osler, co-author of a study, “Communing with the Dead Online,” sees this as helpful. She told Coda: 

It’s about readjusting to a world where you’re very aware that they have died, without letting go of various habits of intimacy. You don’t have to just move on in a very stark sense. We can have a kind of nuanced and ongoing adjustment to someone’s death and take time to emotionally adjust to the absence we now feel, as we learn to inhabit the world without them.

Unfortunately science lacks information about bereaved people who have chosen to rekindle the sexual aspects of their former relationship, using AI. 

Moving on from SED, what about the other categories of sexy paranormal or supernatural incidents? 

Night terrors

Night terrors–also known as sleep paralysis–are a phenomenon noted in sleep studies. They are the commonly accepted explanation for folklore about being hag-ridden and fears of being ravished by an incubus or succubus. The sensation includes a feeling of paralysis and being pressed or held down by something unseen, usually on the edge of waking up. Feelings of sexual contact may or may not be part of the experience. Many people find these nonconsensual and terrifying.

The good news is that science now understands the mechanisms of sleep paralysis so, no, this particular phenomenon is really not spirit sex—consensual or not—after all.

When spirits get frisky

There are other kinds of ghost trysts, however, and prior discussions of consent and boundaries don’t seem to be part of the mix. Many of the current “I’m having sex with a ghost” stories seem to be in that category. Usually a sneaky spirit shows up once or several times but eventually ghosts the human, never to appear again, leaving heartbreak or relief in its wake. 

The Dr. Wanda Pratnicka Center, which specializes in spirit attachment removal, states on its homepage “Spirits can only touch us in this way if we have not learned to manage the currents of our own sexual energy.” 

But, contrary to this assertion, plenty of people have sought intimate spirit contact. Mystics such as the Catholic St. Teresa of Avila (1515-1582) and the Hindu poet/princess Mirabai (b. circa 1498)—devoted and married to the god, Krishna—wrote passionately of their relationships to deities. Ida C. Craddock (1857-1902) and Victoria Woodhull (1837-1927), both advocates for women’s rights and sexual freedom, claimed to have had spirit lovers.

Meanwhile, some contemporary practitioners of neopaganism, Western occultism, and other traditions may seek these experiences intentionally. Sexual spirit contact may take place in dreams, meditation, ritual or simply in bed.

Scholars note spirit sex and marriages are often accepted in traditions such as Voudon, or feared as deviant in other traditions. For example, Nathaniel Homewood, author of Seductive Spirits: Deliverance, Demons, and Sexual Worldmaking in Ghanaian Pentecostalism, has even coined the term, pneumoeroticism, to “interpret sexual relationships between bodies and spirits.” 

Just another color in the rainbow of human sexual behavior 

Given the above, maybe the actual explanation for our cultural obsession with human/spirit love and sex is because it happens. From myths, folklore, and children’s fairy tales to vampire heart throbs on the screen of your choice, paranormal romances are a popular staple of literature, media, music, and visual art. Fantasy and romantasy genres are saturated with such relationships, though the romantic partner is usually presented as having some degree of corporeality. 

This is an era where, in some countries, ordinary people and even celebrities like Ke$ha and Natasha Blastick can talk openly about their spectral experiences without risk to life and limb, but also not without ridicule. 

From my vantage point as a sexologist, I feel we need to stop positioning human/spirit intimacy as just another sexual sideshow for public consumption. It’s clear the bandwidth of human sexuality includes desire for sex with ephemerals, even if we don’t understand the paranormal aspects yet. To move forward we need reputable, peer-reviewable studies of the sexological aspects of sensory experiences with the deceased: who is actually doing what with their deceased spouses and how do they feel about it?

We also need better adult sex ed on this topic. For example, when asked about ghostly sexual encounters, an advice columnist from Vermont, known as The Reverend, didn’t miss a beat, recommending “sage and white candles” for safer sex, “just in case.” Not bad, but he should have added that it’s best to avoid smudging with endangered white sage, and use black or garden sage instead.

As for me, I’ll consider adding an EMF meter and a cheap ghost box to my “toys most wanted” list as soon as sex tech catches up and develops a Bluetooth connection from the EMF meter to my Lelo Enigma Double Sonic Massager.

Image source: A.R. Marsh using Ideogram.ai and Leonardo.ai

The post Everything Ancient Is New Again: The Rise and Future of Paranormal Sex appeared first on Future of Sex.